...if you let them.
I ruined whatever I tried to build the past few years - my Sabr (Arabic: صَبْرٌ ṣabr) is the Islamic virtue of "patience" or "endurance") was badly shaken. Especially, after I hear defamations and slanderings under my name. And then people came forth to me with this news. Shocking, I wanted justice! I acted out based on my anger and emotions.
My easy excuse would be blaming the bad week I had at work with the screaming superior, the worries I had to get my brother back home from Paris, the overwhelming tiredness from handling the kids, issues at home, being husbandless for that period of time.
I could go on and on about the excuses and reasons. I could just push the blames on all those situation. I knew I snapped, BUT seriously, that is not a good excuse for me to act out on it and be so rude!
This line was thrown into my face - 'so much for your trying to be a good person'
That hits below the belt. Even though I believed I tried my best and then was slap with that, it really hurts.
But that gives me no reason to be an asshole about it right? My behaviour is not acceptable. I am NOT that person anymore, that Erda 5 years or 10 years ago or even last year is no longer who I want to be.
How apt, this email came in right in time when I was writing on this topic.
Today’s HFW is (عَلِيْم) which means “all-knowing”. When we are in trouble, or are facing a problem and we talk to someone, they may know what we are going through, or they may not, sometimes talking to someone brings more sorrow, sometimes it make things worst, because they don’t understand, because they don’t know. That’s when we must understand and learn to practice talking to Allah s.w.t. for HE is all-knowing and HE knows what’s best for us.Today’s HFW of The Quran is teach us about Allah! A good thing to learn and teach our family about, so that we can always feel His presence and love.Allah s.w.t. is all-knowing, HE knows everything, HE knows our condition, the situation that we are in, what we are going through. HE knows, our history, and what’s best for us in the future. Allah is all-knowing and HE knows everything.WE can’t hide from HIM, and we don’t have to. Allah knows everything and HE understands everything, and HE is always here for us. When we are sad, or disappointed, remember Allah and remember, HE knows we are trying our best and HُE has the best reward prepared waiting for us.
I believe this is a huge misunderstanding. I will let it go. Insya'allah. The pain of being called a liar, the pain of being fitnah, I will let it slip. I will be better than that.
I need to re-organise my emotions and thoughts, and reflect, reflect, reflect. I do not have to prove to anyone that I am a good person or playing the victim to win votes on my sides. I only have to prove to Allah SWT that I am one.
Anger is the root of all evil. Look at what is happening around the world.
I will NOT be that person.