Thursday, 29 August 2013


Funny how the anti-depressants prescribed to be is called LEPAX. In our Malay lingo, it means CHILL OUT. ahhahahah So I am experiencing some chill out moments with LEPAX. Documenting my week long experience with Escitalopram.

Friday, 23 August
Day 1 - Popped a pill before lunch today and I was fidgety as hell. I was hyper and feeling like I am on top of the world. My eyes were dilated. I was gritting and grinding my teeth. My senses heightened. Euphoric feeling. Hard to explain. I am so pumped up! wooooooooooooo~
ps: it feels like ecstasy!
pps: not that I've ever tried one
pppps: I am serious
ppppppps: really.
ppppppppps: -_____________________-

Blerghhhh feeling! 
Felt so edgy and pissed out of the blue. 
Suddenly, oh so weaaaak!
I hate this down effect this supposedly happy pill does. 

Nevermind. Day 2 we see how it goes.

Skipped day 2 - was yawning the whole of Saturday, looking dazed and spacing out. I got angry on an issue BUT I can't feel express the anger. I know I am angry but it seems as if the anger has been masked. 

Sunday 25th  - Felt like I am walking on clouds earlier on.

Popped half before I sleep. Was buzzing a little while folding clothes and ironing work attire.  I guess I was too tired over the weekend that i immediately snoozed as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Skipped Monday. I still feel like I am walking aimlessly. I looked so zoned out! I don't feel depressed anymore but i feel empty like this is not my soul hahahahah ok weird description to describe the state that I am in.

Tuesday 27th - Popped half today. Excited again. If I had a tail, you would see me wagging it nonstop.

1157hours - suddenly jittery and shaken. HUNGRY! goddamit weight please don't gain please please please.

Hmm maybe the next time i should run off this jitters. 

Wednesday 28th - Skipped. Darya was running a high fever. I was zombie-ing my Wednesday away. My body once again set on auto pilot while handling her. I am mother robot. Drowsy. Fell asleep right after Darya took her nap. Woke up feeling tired as hell and hungry but later on I don't feel anything. Weirdly, I survived on breakfast the entire day. Stoned as hell.

Thursday 29th - Popped half. Still stone as hell from yesterday. Probably from the lack of zzz.

Not sure if i should rely on this on a longer run. I know I am still down on some days but whatever the emotions I want to feel had been blocked by this pill. 

Oh I need to add in this: I have MORE frequent weird, gory, brutal, scary dreams while on meddie. Why? Why? Why you torture me so.

Bringing all these up in the next visit next week. So right now, I am not sure if I should just stop totally.

I feel like a puppet.


  1. Amaciam... dah LEPAX today! :p

    1. acam sister aw! wa tgh lepax ni! ahhahahahah

    2. hahhahaha... lepax abis! :p

  2. Can I join in the LEPAX session? Sounds cool to be high sey. hehehe. But babe, reading your reaction to the pill, I think your body's adjusting to the sudden intake. The nerves & hormones are not adapted yet. Yes, you will feel "empty" trying to search for "feelings" or "emotions". Don't push it. Cos it will only trigger more anxiety & heighten that feeling of "flurry of the heart" (if you get what I mean). Do have enough sleep when you're on the pill ok. I had the anti-depressant years back but I stopped cos of complications.

    1. eh! ok i whatsapped you!

    2. my sleep pattern is on a yoyo effect. BUT almost everynight ada nightmare. strangely i cannot recall much. last time i used to document my nightmares down ahha. sanggup eh?