Wednesday, 18 December 2013

Here's To A Better Erda!

Enough is enough, I told myself one day over walking aimlessly during a lunch break.

i gotta stop doin this to myself. i gotta stop being aimless.

Bitch-slap myself out of my senses and told myself to get a grip. No point moping and feeling sorry. 

I cannot let myself fall in deeper in this vortex of black beast called depression.

I have been meeting up with friends; new and old. Something that I chose not to many months back. I connected with a girlfriend who are in the same depression boat. Whenever I opened up about it, nobody could guess my system was having a  'downtime'

I need to work out and eat properly. I like being active in sports now I feel so slow and heavy just like a mop, when it's wet and dirty. Hahah

I used to watch what I eat and now I don't care at all so look what happen to me. The ever increasing waistline on top of going cold turkey on the anti-dep has made me feel so so sluggish and very low morale. My mood swings are pretty bad. I am on a "i hate you" phase it's not funny. I get agitated and irritated by people lately.

Where is the love bro.

These happy pills are something eh. Supposedly to manage your depression and then we end up on a slow and steady weight gain which seems to not stop. Isn't that more depressing? Sure people say, mental health is more important. But trying on clothes that no longer fit and looking in the mirror watching myself ballooning is more depressing!

I do not care! I want to be 35 years old with a banging body and then make my husband go "woaa who is that chick" then realize "shit that's my awesome hot wife! hubba! hubba!"

K I know I ramble nonsense man. 

Today 18 December is day one of my proper diet.

Breakfast - 4 boiled white eggs, 2 pieces of bread.
12pm break: Null
Lunch - Chicken breast sandwich on whole-meal bread and salad
4pm break - a handful of baked almonds, 1 green apple and hot green tea.
7.30pm supposedly dinner because i am stuck in the rain right now - a handful of almonds and skinny latte. 

I might just skip the actual dinner, NOT! whawhawa. I HAVE to eat dinner or I might ignite the wrath of my mother!

And when I start working out, I need to throw in that banana, NOT skipping lunch and a cup of skinny latte, no sugar.

I am glad that coffee is still in my diet though ahahhaha.

skinny latte siol. i cannot believe it myself siol.

Here's to a better (optimistic) me! 
Ching Ching My Friends!

edited: i do not aim to be skinny. just more fitter, a little bit toned up and healthier i guess? i can't risk going under the knife again with all my health issues. noooooo.

and i do not like going the shortcut way. i prefer the hardcore method. please don't try to sell me stuff and shove your opinions down your throat. if i want it, i will ask for it. otherwise, stop hard selling me.


  1. WAAAAAH!!! i just started a fitness regime too!!! got myself a personal trainer (mahal nak mampus) but it's the only way i'll hit the gym lah. kalau tak, malas siak. you pay so much and feel the pinch, somehow you'll make sure you get your moneys worth.

    you should try "strength training"!! i'm using kettlebells and lifting very light weights... my weight 'makin naik'!!!!! but my perut buncit turun tau. muscles are heavier than fats. so ditch the weighing scale!!

    i was on this hardcore diet before. lost 15 kilos by going into starvation mode, which i only just found out is VERY bad for your body. your metabolism goes to shit. and on days when you eat "normally", confirm you'll put on all the weight you loss and even more!! so be careful k?

    i wish i was on the evil isle ya know? we can be gym buddies and lose our babat together.

    i suffer from that "emo" kinda depression. not the angsty kind like yours. but same difference lah. i was anti-social also. i treated the gym the same way. like meeting your closest girl friends for a cuppa, which seemed like a terrible idea at first, but one you NEVER regret when you're already there.

    wish we can lepak ya know? my gawd, we have so much in common my kindred spirit. *grrrrrrrl powaaaar!!!

    1. hey you my favorite skatergirl!

      ok why like we same same like that. i actually got myself a PT recently! (i seconded that fact that my kocek is totally burnt right now) I totally concur siah at least you get the 'right' motivation as well (besides feeling sad that hard earned money has been parted hwahawhawhawhaw)

      I am starting soon next week babe!

      I lost a lot of muscle weight and have been clinically obese! Body fats exceeded normal range whahwahawhaw what is to become of us nad. Dulu kudud nak mampus kan now amik kao!

      Yes hardcore diet is bad for you because you might lose the 'good' fats you need and badan goes unbalanced. Thanks for the advice nad, will watch what i eat.

      Yes (sad face) i very angsty pantsy which is bad that is why i need to get a punching bag awhawhhw! Funny right? People will definitely go HUH? WHAT? YOU DEPRESS? WHERE? because i think i masked it so well.

      Ok i pack myself over to you down under la like this easier kan? hahahahaha


  2. OMYGOD! Your this post buat i lagi depress lehhhhhh~ At least you da jadi UMI eh! From my view your body still looking "Woaa who is that chic" k! Not fair! Not fair! I need to focus already la like that! Haha everytime nak lose weight tak tercapai. Baru 2 years khawin tau! HAHA!

    1. i hidden flabs ok. that's why i am always seen in loose clothing hahaha i bought my clothings in XL sizes ok!

      but babe you are taller than me much taller! i am katek you know. so you canot compare one BMI sudah lari. i am short and i canot afford gaining on that extra kilos. also for the fact that my knee sure got problem and my back as well. i don't intend to go skinny la, just lose some flabs and maintain that's all.

      wah really ar u think that way of me. i so touched you know. u one of the nicest people wahhaw

      i got like budak kerja who said WALAO HOW COME U FAT. *rolls eyes*